Here are a few things I have had my eye on. I am getting a new car next week, and I am so fucking excited!
I am also getting a tribute tattoo to my Deceased dog, Goldie.
Here are some pictures of things I'm thinking about.









My GORGEOUS friend Brandi;





Anyway, tonight I am totally stuck. I have four, four hour appointments with a tattoo artist named Sarah De Azevedo. She is one of the best artist's in Salt Lake, and possibly one of the best in the US. She was booked up for seven months when I made my appointments, and in a little over a month I will be sitting in her chair getting something done on me. I am so excited. I would love to be tattooed like Brandi, if I wasn't so worried about what everyone else is thinking. Besides that fact, I am going to be a Veterinarian, and I don't think it would be a good idea for me to be covered in tattoos.
I still need to think of some ideas for my new tattoo, and also where to put it. I really want a chest piece, but that would totally show. hmm.......

I could puke.
I can't wait to get my own blog site up, similar to Dooce, I envy her, more like, I look up to her. I am excited, I have high hopes for myself when it comes to my website. People live off of the money they make from ads on there. I could do that.

So, tonight I deal with another issue, I am so freakin' stressed out in this place. How could anyone grow up here and survive? It makes me think differently about David.... He is much stronger then I thought.

They always complain about my dogs, I get so upset. They are my children, to them they are second class compared to people, in my eyes they are equal, but, they think it is ok to call them names, and treat them how they want to. Eric called Otis a stupid little freak, I doubt he was joking, I cried I was so upset... maybe I should stop taking things so personally.
I just want to write a big mean note and criticize everything they love and do, just because I want them to feel horrible, but thats a shitty way of thinking. I just want my website up, and I want to sell stuff of ebay, like my art, and I want to get this job tomorrow at peir one imports, then I can obsess about what I want my after-im-rich house to look like.

I am so fucking disgusted.

I am hungry, and I haven't taken my pills. Bear with me.

I love my family. I love seeing them, and I am proud to be a part of it. But I have to put my foot down, step back for a minute, and defend myself. I am sick of being walked all over.

David and I have had a rough time, no, not with our relationship, with our family. They are religious, good for them, I however, am not. Neither is my husband.
We have learned, I was taught, not to judge people, not to try to make them something they are not, and with friends, embrace our difference's, for we are all equal. That is not so true here. It is vocalized often, religious types often embelish the fact they should care, have concern, and love every one of "God's" children. However, I have found through-out getting to know them better, this is simply never the case. They are very judgemental, but aren't I as I am typing this? Maybe, but I never claimed I never was.
I am so sick of being talked about behind my back. I have premarital sex, or had, I have a tattoo, I used to have a lot of unsightly piercings, gauged ears, I cut my hair much too short, I don't like to always wear a bra, or dress without my nipples or cleavage somewhat slightly visable. I smoked pot, I smoked cigarettes at 13, I don't believe in God, I swear, abut Jesus Christ I have FEELINGS.
I may not be what everyone wants me to be, I may have not turned out, so far, how my parents wanted, but I am my own person, and I do not want to be changed. I have high hopes for myself, and no matter how many times I start something without finishing, or change my mind, what right do you have or did I give you to talk shit about it and act as though I am not as good as you? It is my fucking life, I am trying hard to find what I want, and going to school this summer, is what I want. I will no longer conform to you, or pretend in front of you. You have no right to take my freedom from me, and you never will.

I am sick of all the shit people think about others, I miss my father to DEATH, I love my husband, I would die for my dogs, I like sex, and I am FUCKING PROUD OF IT!

God I love my husband.



I can't wait to get my fucking apartment ready already. Eric might move upstairs into Mip's room, so we will have the whole downstairs. We will most likely take over his old room, because it has a huge walk in closet. :D The bathroom is almost done, just need to put some of the red over a few patches and then paint the trim white. I am so excited to take another shower in there, especially when it is all done. I have been thinking Michelle Pfeiffer is SO hot lately, I guess my newest idol, even though I don't look anything like her.


I am going to have to find a job, I wont be starting school until January now :(, its ok, Ill still get it done.
I vow to not cut my hair (except for a trim when it gets nuts) For two years, and depending on how long I want it, maybe even longer. I want it to be natural again, meaning long without any crazy hairstyles. Took my 00 Gauges out, they are all the way closed up( except I can fit regular earings in of course) David is over 1/2 inch, his are getting pretty big. He likes it though. He has dreads now, I love him, he is so fucking sexy.

Anyway, I REALLY need to get on a regular sleep schedule, its 3:28 am and I still am wide awake. What the hell is wrong with me?

Goodnight, I hope....

Ok, I haven't written on THIS blog for a while, im going to start now. I have added myself to a few Snail Mail communities and I hope to gain a Pen Pal! If you are interested, let me know.

Well, I am sick, so is my husband, David. We have the flu, or are at least getting it, I think. Also, it's pushing four A.M. I am such a night owl, it is so hard to get me to go to sleep sometimes. Ahh, well, I will try to write more often, and I swear I wasn't on anything when I wrote that last post. :/

I kind of think this shit is stupid. Internet websites eat shit. Even myspace. Yeah everyone likes to go on it and look at people they wish they could be like, even I do it. But its really immature and cliche. Myspace is over, and I should get over it.
Its soooooooooo great to finally be on track again. To actually make my life worth while, and actually make something of myself, and I feel like I am accomplishing something. Finally! I absolutely LOVE my boyfriend, even after everything we have gone through. I look up to and love him more each day, he treats me like I deserve. After an abusive fiance, and a ton of failed relationships. I know its a little fucked because im only 18, but hey, I grew up a lot faster then the rest of you.
I think a lot of people think I am selfish, and maybe even rude, coniving, pessimistic, and a whole lot of other things. Even though people think that about everyone, I just want to make something clear;
I used to be an EXTREMELY bad liar. I hurt many, many people during that time, and because of my actions, I also lost someone who was very close to me. After that happened, I changed, alot. I decided to change. It took about five years to finally be different, but I did it. I have been controlling before. But only because I thought it was in the best interest of the person I loved. But it doesn't matter, I don't care what people who don't know me think about me. I am just fine now. Well a show came on about sex so I am going to watch it.